Yesterday I talked about how my husband and I had reached the milestone of 5 years of marriage. I also talked about some of the major changes that we have went through in our 5 years of marriage. With those changes also come many lessons that we have learned. I am sure there will be many more over the years, but for now, here are the top 5 things I learned in our 5 years of marriage.
- Your faith will play a major role in your marriage. You may not think your faith will have a huge impact on your marriage, but it does. You will go through rough patches and your faith will be what gets you both through them. It may sound cliche, but it’s the truth and it doesn’t matter what your faith is, it should be the foundation of your marriage.
- The first year isn’t the hardest. Everyone will try to tell you that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but that’s not the truth. The truth is that the first year is just riddled with the biggest changes, that’s what makes it hard. My husband and I lived together before we got married, and while there were difficult times, it wasn’t all in the first year. The hardest times are spread throughout your marriage, buying a house, buying a second house, changing jobs, money, bills, buying cars, kids and so on. The reason everyone says the first year is the hardest is because many of these changes are happening in the first year.
- You have to learn fast how to think about someone else and their needs. Before you are married you can spend your money how you want and do what you want when you want, but once you are married it is not about you and your spouse and what you both need the money for. There is not more “mine” and “yours”, but instead it’s now “ours”. Everything you do is now for the betterment of you and your spouse as a couple and as a family.
- It is important to spend time together as a couple and time apart. No one can be around the same person 24/7 so it’s time to spend time apart. It’s also important to spend time alone as a couple. Before you have children this can be simple, but once you have children it can get harder. Sometimes it’s just spending a couple of hours after the kids go to bed watching movies and cuddling on the couch. You don’t have to go on elaborate dates, but you need to get out of parent mode at least some of the time.
- Communication is key. It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, communication is very important in any relationship. It is important to know what your spouse expects of you and for your spouse to know what you expect of them. Once you add kids to the mix it is important to communicate so you can be on the same page when it comes to raising children and discipline. One thing that I think can destroy a great marriage is poor communication.
- There are more good days than bad. There will be days when you can’t stand your spouse! There will be times when your spouse can’t stand you! This may seem like something that’s horrible, but it’s OK. As long as there are more good days than bad, you can make it through any rough patch and any curve life throws at you!
It doesn’t matter how many years you have been married, it is going to take work to stay together. Do I think that every marriage is meant to last? No, honestly I do not think that every marriage will survive. I am someone who came from divorced parents though and I know that I don’t want my children to have to deal with that. If it come down to it and there was more fighting than not, then it would be better for my husband and I to split up, but in the end, I think our marriage is meant to last!
Have you learned anything since you got married? What have you learned?